So I've been dealing with siezures for a month now. Two of the medicines Im on (in very large doses) are also used to treat other neurological conditions such as Parkinson's and fibromyalgia. We still aren't sure if I have either of those...but sometimes the side effects of the drug in question are worse than the illness itself, and then it makes you wonder if its worth taking it to start with.
One of my medications has listed side effect of "reported psychotic episodes" and "vivid hallucinations or nightmares". Now, I'll make no bones about it, I'm a certified wuss with an already overactive imagination. Throw in a drug that enhances that imagination, and I'm dreaming up stuff out of the twilight zone.
Today I was napping and had a rediculously scary dream. Now that I'm awake and thinking about it, there really wasn't anything scary about it. But, when you're locked in a dream you can't wake from and you are sobbing into your pillow...it sucks.
I dreamed that basically I was being abandoned by everyone. My best friend stole my dog and wouldnt give her back. My husband was tired of dealing with my siezures and sent me home to live with my parents. My brother left to go on this camping expedition with 50 other people, including one of his ex-girlfriends, his best friend and his girlfriend. (Yeah right, now I KNOW I'm dreaming. My brother, camping? Hahahahahahahaha!! Only if he brought a mini-fridge, a satellite internet connection and a portible air conditioner =p ). My parents then got tired of me having siezures, so they packed me up and sent me to live with my grandparents.
Now, I must interject a disclaimer here, especially incase Grandma is reading ^_~ There is NOTHING wrong with grandma's house, except when its 500+ miles from home and you're already feeling abandoned. It also had none of the "cozyness" associated with grandma's house. I was a stranger in a strange town where it was always night time and everyone was drunk all the time.
When mom finally comes to visit me, in my dream, she's come to bring me news that she and dad have had a divorce and that he doesn't want to see me again. She also brings me a bag full of nostalgic items from my childhood, like my well loved VHS tapes of the Little Mermaid and Aladdin, and tells me that she wants no reminders of me around. Before she leaves, she chastises me for "taking the easy way out" and "not fighting to make my marriage work". Strange coming from someone who just told me she got divorced, but hey, this is a dream and it doesnt make any sense.
The dream proceeded as such where everyone told me they were sick of me and my siezures and didn't want me around. So, I ran away in despair, sobbing that everyone I loved was gone and I was alone.
So then I woke up, my heart hammering in my chest, my pillow absolutely drenched from my crying in my sleep. Sobbing I call my mom on the phone. Shes at a pool hall, shooting pool with my dad. My brother is still on his computer...as is my husband...and my dog is staring at me from the other side of my drenched pillow staring at me like Im retarded. Then she yawns, stretches and goes back to sleep.
The dream itself wasn't scary, but it took me 15 minutes and a counter-dose of Valium to settle my nerves. This isn't the first bad dream I've had...the other was something straight from Star Trek. I hope I build a resistance to the dreams soon, or my meds get changed. Its horrible to feel like no one loves you and cant stand to be around you. Both things I know aren't true, but when you're only half awake and you've been living in a dream world for a few hours, it takes some time to wake up to truth and reality.
So listen kids, drugs are bad, mmkay?
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